Life after work
I came to the end of my formal working life a few years ago and believed I still had something to offer in terms of skills and experience. After a few months I realised that I wasn’t quite ready for full retirement and I sought out part-time paid work – nothing onerous, definitely no budgets or supervisory responsibilities, something to keep the grey matter active. Initially this proved successful, I gave my time and they benefitted from my forty years’ experience, then recognising my aptitude for technology asked me to take on a project developing a new service, which I was happy to do, learning and innovating being just my thing.
I had been well into my career when email and the internet arrived on the scene, so I have grown up along with various iterations of social media (Friends Reunited and MySpace anyone?) and the systems that support digital services “under the bonnet”.
However, in my last paid role, I floundered and it took me a while to work out why that might be. What comes next is my side of events.
WFH – you’re on mute…
I was recruited during lockdown so orientation and induction took place online. For someone like me who always asks lots of questions to clarify understanding and satisfy my curiosity for detail, this was a disaster – flaky WiFi connections, intermittent sound or video curtailed the exchange of ideas over the ether during that critical period of induction. The lack of non-verbal cues when using a screen and no informal opportunities over coffee or a sandwich to check things out, all led to an unsatisfactory start.
Reasonable adjustments
I have always declared my status as someone with bipolar when applying for jobs and have had several occupational health interviews as a result. Whilst these interviews might be viewed as being for the benefit of the employer only, I have found them helpful in negotiating reasonable adjustments, which in my case are minor (usually related to avoiding rush hour travel when I am already stressed) and they have in any case rarely been invoked. The onset of my episodes is rapid – I can be well on a Friday and in hospital the following Monday. Colleagues, other than direct managers, have not known my diagnosis. During my last month-long absence, a decade ago, the woman in my office emailed me with the words, ” I don’t know why you’re off, but….” And so I have believed that when well, I appear no different from anyone else in the team.
Unconscious bias?
So it was a shock when within weeks my boss told me that I was writing confusing posts on the team chat; I wasn’t sure what they meant as no examples were given, so I shrugged it off; then I was challenged about an email thread with an external department – vague I was told – but not so vague that the recipient didn’t do exactly as I asked – and without query.
I wasn’t sure what was going on and checked out with friends who know my work. I felt I was being characterised as an old, slow person, who didn’t know what they were doing – the opposite of my reputation as a sharp, dynamic innovator. I couldn’t believe that a respected organisation would have people who made these sort of judgements based on age, mental health diagnosis or any characteristic other than competence. Clearly I have led a charmed and privileged working life and come late to the bring your own bias party.
In fact work has been a protective factor for me, driving my recoveries after psychotic episodes and giving me a sense of purpose and motivation at other times. Ten years ago I was referred whilst still in hospital to a local charity who support people back to work, something I didn’t need at the time, but which I think some employers and managers still do, that is, how to support people in work. Sure, people may lack confidence at the beginning and may take longer to pick up new things but equally I’m sure there are many people with much to offer, hampered by the stigma of their diagnosis.
I was in the lucky position, being at the end of my working life, that I could and did resign. Many do not have that choice and live with the stress that such unmerited pressure causes.
Mental health policy
I contributed to a recent consultation on mental health and was struck by its focus on services and care for those already with a diagnosis, not so surprising since it was coming from the Department of Health and Social Care. In my responses I suggested some desk research (of which there must be plenty) on the factors that contribute to mental well-being or are trigger factors for mental illness. I am just reading David Harewood’s memoir, “Maybe I don’t belong here” which addresses some of these themes in relation to race too – recommended.